Doing something for the first time can be really scary, sometimes downright terrifying. Especially if it is something that you have been putting off doing for years because you are worried about it. Add to that having a little physical disability which makes doing that thing that much more difficult, and you’ve got my situation – going on a train alone for the first time.
Having mild cerebral palsy makes using public transport a tricky problem. Due to my balance issues, I’m always terrified of standing up on moving things because I think I’m going to fall, and not only get hurt, but also get embarrassed, or the way that I can do these things can sometimes be considered embarrassing, for me on a personal level.
The simplest things about going on a train alone can be difficult for me, particularly getting on and off. Most people wouldn’t think twice about the gap between the train and the platform, however, that is the one thing I have to consider most when going on the train.
Although I prefer to use the car for these very reasons, in this scenario, I was travelling to the centre of Manchester for a university placement, so you can imagine why I was forced to use the train for this particular trip.
My biggest concern was ensuring I would be able to use the passenger assistance to get me on and off the train safely, and although I booked it, there were numerous times throughout my week doing this journey that it didn’t work out. I was able to get on the train safely but all too often, there was nobody at the other end of my trip to help me off, and frankly, that was my bigger concern, falling down rather than falling on!
In order to feel that I was confident enough to do the train ride, I had to plan my journey carefully and even do a few recces in the weeks leading up to my placement so I would know exactly how the passenger assistance element of the train station worked and how long each element would take.
On top of all of that, my train trips for the second week of placement were cancelled due to train strikes, almost laughing in my face about the practice I put into feeling secure and safe when riding a train without the reliable support of a friend or family member with me. I ended up having to drive into Manchester and it seemed like all my hard work went to waste.
Despite the pressure of train travelling alone for the first time that made me have to rely on the passenger assistance that didn’t always work, either because they hadn’t kept my booking, someone forgot, or my favourite: I missed my booked train and had to try and get a later one, only to be told there were no assistants available to help me onto this train, I am still really glad I was forced to face my fear and do this.
It has opened up a whole new world for me, also looking at being able to use buses for the first time in years, which, as a disabled young woman, makes my life so much easier. Even though my disability has made my life difficult, it has given me opportunities to try new things that I just never thought possible. That is something that I am incredibly proud of, that I have taught myself I can do things if I am in a position where it is my only choice.
This has proven to me that having a disability doesn’t mean you can’t do things, they just have to be done a little differently to others, and that makes us special, not different.
Words: Sallie Phillips
